Just Scribbles

A while ago, I went back through some of my old writings, or scribbles as I call them. Just bits of poem or verse I've written over the years. A lot of them are sad or angst-y. Unfortunately, unhappiness has always been more of a muse to me than happiness. Which explains why I don't write as much these days. As my brother Mark so eloquently put it, it's a "blessing curse."

So these scribbles are posted here to be read or not, but hopefully not to be judged too harshly. Writing has always been my therapy, so it's primarily just for me. Some of it, Scott has seen worthy of putting to music, which is an indescribable thrill. With luck, we'll hit upon something else that will suit itself to song, but as I said, it's just my scribbles. Maybe you will like them.

The first one here, "Morning" is one of the songs Scott and I have written together. It can be heard on Scott's website: http://www.scottyoungberg.com/.

MORNING

This morning as the sunlight fell on your sleeping head
You looked just like an angel as you lay there in my bed
The rays of morning sun they filled your golden hair with light
I sighed and breathed you in and wrapped my arms around you tight

I remembered how you looked the night before had drove me wild
Now that peaceful smile it made you look just like a child
I didn't want to move or speak or somehow break the spell
But your warm body brought that feeling of desire I know so well

I pulled you even closer and put feather kisses on your cheek
The feel of your smooth skin it was enough to make me weak
And then your eyes were open and they were smiling into mine
I said good morning to you and then I lost all track of time

OBSESSION

The lady sees your face in her dreams;
She's obsessed with you it seems.
Maybe you have changed your mind
Since you went off and left her behind.

Do you ever miss her when you lay down with your baby at night?
She wonders if you still think you were right.
Or is her name still on the tip of your tongue
Just like all those songs you have sung?
How could you not feel?
Her love should have made even your heart reel.

She's starting to worry about her sanity.
Her heart says you're coming back,
But her mind says it's just her vanity.
She can't accept that you haven't missed her yet.
How could she have been so easy to forget?

Do you ever wonder how it might have been,
If you had stayed with her through thick and thin?
Do you ever wish you could have told her why
You weren't even man enough to tell her goodbye.

THE DREAM

I had a dream last night that I was back on the beach.
The moon hung low and bright just above the waves
And the wind blew my hair and my clothes all around me.
I could smell the salt in the air and taste it on my tongue.
And I felt your arms wrapped tight around me.
The crash of the waves was the only sound
And I could feel the soft, cool sand beneath my feet.
My skin was tingling from the spray as the waves broke against the sand,
And I felt the beauty of it all around me.
I felt your lips and felt your breath on my face.
Felt the strength of your hands on the small of my back.
The wind blew our words and our sighs away
And I could feel the glow of moonlight all around me.
I was caught up again in the spell of the ocean
And lost in the magic of a kiss,
As I walked on the beach in my dream last night.

INVISIBLE GIRL

She keeps a mirror by the door.
It's her defense against the world.
She checks the glass to make sure
She hasn't faded any more.

Her lover doesn't see her fear,
Or see her wipe away a tear.
He doesn't notice, doesn't hear,
But she's begun to disappear.

She has a problem she can't show.
He doesn't even want to know.
If only she didn't love him so;
Someday she knows she'll have to go.

Because she's begun to fade away,
A little more with each new day.

Her lover doesn't see her fear,
Or see her wipe away a tear.
He doesn't notice, doesn't hear,
But she's begun to disappear.

WITH THIS RING (or WHITE GOLD WIELDER)

With this ring I gave you my heart
And swore to love till death do us part
I promised to honor to cherish and love
In front of the world and God up above
And now you're telling me that wasn't enough

Can you feel the fire inside me?
Look in my eyes and you will see
The flames of your love dying in me
My mind is in darkness of endless night
And anger clouds my sense of what's right
This ring on my finger fills all my sight

With this ring I swore to be true
To be faithful and kind and love only you
Everyone says that true love can be blind
But you stood up there and said you were mine
And now you're telling me you've changed your mind

Can you feel the pain in my soul?
My eyes reflect a gaping hole
Tearing out my heart has taken its toll
But it's more than pain that fills my head
And God forgive me I wish both of us dead
This ring on my finger fills me with dread

With this ring I made you my wife
And gave you the power to destroy my life
I once thought my life would end without you
And if I lost you I didn't know what I would do
And now look what your leaving has led me to

Can you feel the power of my dreams?
I wake up screaming and I know what it means
The anger I'm feeling wants blood it seems
This violence inside me must find a release
Before these dreams can finally cease
This ring on my finger feels like a disease

SUNRISE AFTER THE TRIP

It's morning
The sun is just a glow on the horizon
Out on the waters edge
I glide down to the beach and dig my toes into the sand
I hear the crash of surf and watch the waves caress the land
And I smile and…

I think about you fast asleep in the bed I was just in
Still feel your warm soft arms around me
And your smell is on my skin
I had to slip away, down to the beach
To watch the day begin
But when the sun is up I'll slip back to our room
Into your arms again

The sun shines
A ball of red hanging on a string
On the edge of the world
But I start to feel its warmth as the ocean turns to gold
I think I should return to bed
Before the morning gets too old
And I smile and…

I think about you fast asleep in the bed I was just in
Still feel your warm soft arms around me
And your smell is on my skin
I had to slip away, down to the beach
To watch the day begin
But when the sun is up I'll slip back to our room
Into your arms again

THE CLINIC

Mama, please say you're not mad
Mama, they didn't tell me it would hurt so bad
Mama, this is the only choice I had
Mama, please say you won't tell Dad

bright lights
cold air from the air conditioning
smell of disinfectant
with a faint tinge of something else
the smell of death
cold unfeeling faces
cold hands
clinical words
the world goes dark
cold table
disorientation covers the emptiness
little white pills
make the pain go away
block the memory out
and then it's over

Mama, please say you're not mad
Mama, they didn't tell me it would hurt so bad
Mama, this is the only choice I had
Mama, please say you won't tell Dad

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE IN LOVE
~On watching "Husbands and Wives" by Woody Allen~

Can you tell me what it means to be in love?
Or why it seems like everyone
is trying so hard to be happy?
Why are we conditioned with dreams
that have no hope of coming true?
Why do we expect the happy endings
and cry for the ones that never do?

Is it right that we should settle
for comfort and companionship and
sacrifice passion and fire?
Is that what love and marriage come down to?
The unsatisfied part of your soul that you
sweep under the rug because it's
not worth losing all the rest.
Is that love?

But how can two people expect to be
the answer to every dream, every fantasy?
Is it better to be alone?
Or spend your life searching for the one
that meets every requirement.
The one that will never come.
Or do you settle and take the good
and ignore the rest?
Is that what it means to be in love?

TALK ABOUT LOVE

I don't want to talk about love
any more tonight
I don't want to think about love
any more tonight
I just want to close my eyes
Squeeze them tight
Block out sound
Block out light
I don't want to talk about love
any more tonight

We think we're in love
But what does that mean
It's just words they print
In Women's magazines

Don't ask what I want
In bed or for breakfast
Don't bother asking
How long this will last

What makes us think
That we can do more
Than millions of others
Who've tried it before

I don't want to talk about love
any more tonight
I don't want to think about love
any more tonight
I just want to close my eyes
Squeeze them tight
Block out sound
Block out light
I don't want to talk about love
any more tonight

They prove it in movies
Time after time
After the kisses
The flowers and the wine

The music stops playing
The shouting begins
They say it's forever
But forever ends

What makes us think
That we can do more
Than millions of others
Who've tried it before